Every now and then there is a blog that comes to mind and I just know that Satan doesn't want it to be written. I woke up this morning with this horrible feeling in my heart and the more I prayed about this blog the more that feeling increased in its awfulness. So, here is to kicking Satan in the teeth because I'm going to write it anyway!
Ever since I was a little girl I always imagined what falling in love would be like. Over time that image, that feeling has changed. However, it really hasn't changed much in the last 8 years or so. Once I began to truly make the Faith personal, God has written a beautiful image of what falling in love is like on my heart. It isn't an image I usually share with anyone, it is always something that has been mine and mine alone. But lately God has been reminding me of it a lot and I've been praying about sharing it here and I can certainly tell you that the spiritual warfare began - a sure-fire way of knowing that Satan would rather I just keep this story, this image, to myself. Well, Satan...go back to hell.
I've always loved dancing in one form or another, so its no surprise that I took ballroom dancing for 3 semesters in college. I love the really passionate dances like the cha-cha and the tango, they just look really fierce. But I've always had a special place in my heart for the slower dances, especially the waltz. Knowing that God knows me as He does then, it is no wonder that He would use my love of dance to reveal to me what falling in love would be like. I've always imagined myself dancing alone, floating around a huge ballroom, blissfully content to simply float around dancing to a tune that God played, a tune that filled this wonderous ballroom. I, in true girly fashion, am in a gorgeous ballgown that flows with me as I dance about the room. I don't really notice that I am dancing alone because my focus is above me, on God. I'm not looking at my feet or in front of me, nor am I looking around the room wondering where my dance partner is, rather, my eyes are fixed on Heaven (and no, my neck doesn't hurt from constantly looking upward). I dance about until the man that God has made for me enters the ballroom. It is a quiet entrance that I don't even hear because I've become completely focused on the song that God is playing. It is a song that I believe God has written just for me...and in time I come to see that this song is written for my soulmate and I - it is a song that only we know, a song that we dance to more gracefully than if either one of us attempted to dance it with anyone else. Slowly, the man comes up and joins me - he doesn't change the dance completely, but he dances along with me as he gently takes the lead. But the truly beautiful thing is that my focus, in fact, our focus is still on God. The person who is made for me, and I for him isn't a terrible dancer. Indeed, he knows the dance that I am dancing and his soul joins with mine as we dance in unison, still looking up at God. This song, we come to understand, was written just for us. This song is the musical tale of our love story, and we alone know the dance. We don't have to look at our feet because God has written this dance of love on our hearts; after all, He did make us for one another.
If you've ever seen a waltz, you know that it simply flows and is, in my opinion, one of the most majestic dances. It draws you in, and even when I'm simply watching a waltz, my heart is drawn in and is dancing along in a beautiful, flowing and peaceful dance. It calms the soul.
That video hardly does the dance of love justice. The way it flows in my head and in my heart can hardly be described with words, it is something you feel in the depths of your soul.
However, sometimes guys who weren't made for you try to cut in on your dance with God. If you pay attention (and trust me, that is a big "if") you'll be quicker to pick up on these fakes. You'll find yourself tripping about a lot. The man that God made for you will know (by the grace of God) your heart, the rhythm of your heart, the beat, the flow of your heart and will dance along with you, will help you grow into a better dancer. If it is a phony, he won't truly know your heart so he'll try to fake it and dance along, but you'll find yourself tripping over each other and losing the beat, and ultimately your focus will be more on the dance and your own two feet and less on God.
Even in the times that I have discerned religious life, this metaphor for love has held true in my heart. If, in fact, I was called to religious life, then Jesus would have been the one to join my dance. In fact, Jesus is the perfect dance partner and in some cases in my single-ness I imagined myself dancing with Him...which would mean that whoever I was called to marry was taking me away from Jesus...so that image isn't perfect. But if you are called to religious life, Jesus continues in that dance with you. When we begin to falter and trip we hopefully will come to realize that we aren't focused on what we should be: God. The same is true when we are dancing with the one God created for us, when we begin to trip and step on each others' toes we come to see that we have lost our focus.
So how can you tell the difference between a phony and a loss of focus? Because even when our soulmate enters the dance we are bound to have a few missteps. We are human, remember? Trust your heart. When you dance with a phony I can promise you that your heart won't sing quite as beautifully and even if your focus remains on God, the steps to the dance won't feel as natural. When dancing with your soulmate the dance will flow naturally from your souls, it will have a grace to it that is only possible if you are truly soulmates. Also, it is important to note that when dancing, the male always leads. A good, flowing, graceful and beautiful dance always has a strong male lead - the same is true in relationships. If the male isn't leading the dance, it ends up looking silly and awkward, so if your dance looks or feels silly or awkward, you probably aren't dancing with your soulmate. Let him lead (as God has lead you in this dance since the day you were born) and the dance, if it is from God, will be transformed to one of beauty and grace. Your feet will flow together, your dress in all its radiance will flow and twirl about and the man will be one of strength and leadership - it is a dance you'll want to dance for the rest of your life.
Dance the dance. Focus on God and let the music flow through your soul and move you to a graceful, elegant dance of love.
Lord, write Your love deeply on our hearts. Teach us to dance Your dance, help our focus to always be on You. Keep our feet from stumbling and help us to save our dance steps for the one that You have made us for. Allow our hearts to sing, to be filled with joy when You send us our dance partner, our soulmate. AMEN.
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