How many times have you heard that it is important to learn when to say no? About a zillion. So why do we keep hearing it? I think its because we still aren't getting it...so it bears repeating.
Saying no enables us to say "yes" and to make those yeses more meaningful, more sincere. If we say yes to everything then suddenly everything is supposed to have importance, everything it supposed to be taking up our time. Imagine it this way: if we said yes to every guy or girl that came across our path, would our relationships with them be sincere? Deep? Meaningful? Truly loving? I think not.
Its the same with God. If we say yes to everything (or nearly everything) then how sincere does our yes to God become? If for no other reason, we ought to learn to say no to some things so that our yes to God can be deep, meaningful, sincere, prayerful, and ultimately life-changing.
Sometimes saying no can be hard, we want to make others happy, we want to try new things, we want...but God wants us. He wants our first and deepest yes to be to Him and Him alone. Does he want us to make others happy? Does He wants us to be happy? Does He wants us to try new things? Of course He does! But He knows (and hopefully we have learned, or are learning) that we are happiest when we love Him first, we when say yes to Him first and let the rest fall into place.
What do you need to say no to? An unhappy job? A friendship that is only convenient (and not convenient for you)? A relationship that isn't holy and loving? A way of life that is unpleasing to God?
Learn to deepen your yes to God (look to the Blessed Virgin Mary for the GREATEST example of an unwavering yes to God...yes to bearing His child, yes to raising Him, yes to watching Jesus die on a cross...) and the no's become a little easier. Learn to deepen your yes to God and I can promise you that your yeses to those around you (and to your own well-being) will be deepened and your peace, joy and love will only grow.
"May it be done to me according to Your word" - Mary (in Luke 1:38). May this be the prayer of our hearts!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
hungering for...More.
I write about this ache a lot and I probably talk about it quite a bit more. I'm hungry. Its not so much a physical hunger as an emotional hunger, a soul hunger. I'm hungry for a man.
I don't want to sit here and whine about a topic which, lately, feels a lot like beating a dead horse. I have Jesus. He is the Man I truly seek, when I'm being honest with myself. But while I have Jesus, I also hunger for a man, for my love, for my soulmate. Call him whatever I like, I hunger for him, I long for him. Some might say that's pathetic, but I don't think so. God has truly written this desire on my heart and anytime I stray from it, He leads me back. I feel called to married life and sometimes I think, maybe religious life is really for me. That thought doesn't last long before the good Lord puts something in my path, in my life or on my heart that reminds me of His calling for my life, for my vocation.
So I'm left with one question: WHERE IS HE?
He's somewhere, I know that. He's out there, though I have no idea where. I think I'm left in this hungering place because so often lately I'm disappointed. I mean no hard feelings to the guys in my life because there are some really great ones...but where are the men? Time and time again my female friends and I talk about the guys in our life, the boys in our life, but we don't talk about the men. We wonder where they are and why they aren't around. I know there are men, they exist...they just all seem to be married already or becoming a priest. Which is awesome...and yet we are still hungering.
Its hard to describe what a real man looks like, they are rare and beautiful to see. Men are not the same as guys or boys. I use the word "man" so sparingly it almost feels like its a word from a foreign language.
boy (noun) - a male who lacks maturity, judgment, experience, etc.
man (noun) - the dictionary fails. It says, "an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy"...though it fails to define qualities that make that "distinguished" clear.
man (verb) - to strengthen, fortify, or brace. ...better.
A man stands up, a man pursues a woman he is interested in, he is honest with her. A man is the same person around all people, he doesn't act one way around a woman he likes and another way around his guy friends, his core values and principles are set and define who he is and what he believes. A man imitates Jesus. While the Bible doesn't say much (or really, anything) about Jesus in the romance department, I'm going to guess a few things about Jesus as a man in the romantic sense:
He didn't flip flop about a woman he was interested in.
He wouldn't compromise her purity of heart, mind, body or soul. He wouldn't put her in situations to test her purity.
He would guard her heart (this would include being honest with her from early on about any romantic feelings, or lack thereof, and where he [as the MAN] saw the relationship going).
He would offer His strength as a man, leading and guiding their relationship (friendship or romantic), both emotionally and spiritually.
So what does this all boil down to? Guys, boys, dudes, you have the PERFECT example of what it means to be a man in Jesus. We know you aren't perfect, you aren't also fully divine, we know you will fail from time to time, you will sin. But guess what? Jesus fell three times on the road to Golgotha and every single time He got back up, He kept walking because LOVE was His motivation, His reason for being, His reason to keep pursuing His bride, the Church. Look to Jesus.
MAN UP, IMITATE JESUS.
I don't want to sit here and whine about a topic which, lately, feels a lot like beating a dead horse. I have Jesus. He is the Man I truly seek, when I'm being honest with myself. But while I have Jesus, I also hunger for a man, for my love, for my soulmate. Call him whatever I like, I hunger for him, I long for him. Some might say that's pathetic, but I don't think so. God has truly written this desire on my heart and anytime I stray from it, He leads me back. I feel called to married life and sometimes I think, maybe religious life is really for me. That thought doesn't last long before the good Lord puts something in my path, in my life or on my heart that reminds me of His calling for my life, for my vocation.
So I'm left with one question: WHERE IS HE?
He's somewhere, I know that. He's out there, though I have no idea where. I think I'm left in this hungering place because so often lately I'm disappointed. I mean no hard feelings to the guys in my life because there are some really great ones...but where are the men? Time and time again my female friends and I talk about the guys in our life, the boys in our life, but we don't talk about the men. We wonder where they are and why they aren't around. I know there are men, they exist...they just all seem to be married already or becoming a priest. Which is awesome...and yet we are still hungering.
Its hard to describe what a real man looks like, they are rare and beautiful to see. Men are not the same as guys or boys. I use the word "man" so sparingly it almost feels like its a word from a foreign language.
boy (noun) - a male who lacks maturity, judgment, experience, etc.
man (noun) - the dictionary fails. It says, "an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy"...though it fails to define qualities that make that "distinguished" clear.
man (verb) - to strengthen, fortify, or brace. ...better.
A man stands up, a man pursues a woman he is interested in, he is honest with her. A man is the same person around all people, he doesn't act one way around a woman he likes and another way around his guy friends, his core values and principles are set and define who he is and what he believes. A man imitates Jesus. While the Bible doesn't say much (or really, anything) about Jesus in the romance department, I'm going to guess a few things about Jesus as a man in the romantic sense:
He didn't flip flop about a woman he was interested in.
He wouldn't compromise her purity of heart, mind, body or soul. He wouldn't put her in situations to test her purity.
He would guard her heart (this would include being honest with her from early on about any romantic feelings, or lack thereof, and where he [as the MAN] saw the relationship going).
He would offer His strength as a man, leading and guiding their relationship (friendship or romantic), both emotionally and spiritually.
So what does this all boil down to? Guys, boys, dudes, you have the PERFECT example of what it means to be a man in Jesus. We know you aren't perfect, you aren't also fully divine, we know you will fail from time to time, you will sin. But guess what? Jesus fell three times on the road to Golgotha and every single time He got back up, He kept walking because LOVE was His motivation, His reason for being, His reason to keep pursuing His bride, the Church. Look to Jesus.
MAN UP, IMITATE JESUS.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
first love God.
I've been reflecting a lot lately on relationships and friendships and what makes a good significant other or a good friend. Of the best friends I have and the people I know who are truly happy in their relationships, I've found one theme: they love God first. They love Him first, not second, not when its convenient, not just when things are good, but always. Then it hit me that their primary love for God is what teaches them to be a good friend, a good boyfriend or girlfriend, a good spouse.
Loving God first teaches us to be a good friend. You can't love God if you don't communicate with Him. We have to talk to Him, to be honest with Him, to lay our burdens on Him. But we also have to listen. Often times listening to God is much harder than listening to someone right next to you. God doesn't really pick up the phone and call you or send you a text to let you know what's going on. His way of communication isn't always as clear, and therefore it usually takes more effort to truly hear Him. I think He does this on purpose. By taking the extra effort to listen to God, we are being trained to make that special effort with our friends. Sometimes they don't always want to open up, but if we love God first and we are patient with Him in waiting to hear His voice, then we are already primed to be patient in waiting for our friends to be willing to open up.
Loving God teaches us to be better friends because we can learn the value of silence from Him. Sometimes at the end of a bad day, all I want to do is curl up in those giant loving arms of His and just sit, just rest in His presence, knowing that He is there for me. The same is true with our friends - how often do we simply want to be with them, without needing to talk? I think this is true in a special way in romantic relationships, perhaps especially for girls. We just want to be held, we want to feel secure. By being friends with God, we are comforted in His arms so that we can, in turn, comfort our friends in the same way.
So often writing these blogs I feel as those I'm saying the same thing over and over again: its all about God. There are so many things in this world that confuse or confound me, but when I stop and pray about them, when I take time to reflect on whatever is bothering me I always seem to find that the answer is in God. The answers I seek, the peace I long for, the comfort I desire is always found in God.
But there is more. The answers, the peace, the comfort is found in God, but it is only found by going ever-deeper into the heart of God. The more I feel myself lost at sea, the more I hunger for God. St. Thomas Aquinas talked about his theory of "exitus-reditus" quite often, as does Pope Benedict XVI. This theory says that everything is from God and everything is returning to God. The more I draw on the love of God, the more I am moved to share His love with His children. The more I share His love, the more I realize how much I need and how dependent upon His love I am. When we love God first, we can't help but share that love. And in sharing that love, we are drawn back into His heart. Its a beautiful cycle, but it can only begin by loving God first.
Loving God first teaches us to be a good friend. You can't love God if you don't communicate with Him. We have to talk to Him, to be honest with Him, to lay our burdens on Him. But we also have to listen. Often times listening to God is much harder than listening to someone right next to you. God doesn't really pick up the phone and call you or send you a text to let you know what's going on. His way of communication isn't always as clear, and therefore it usually takes more effort to truly hear Him. I think He does this on purpose. By taking the extra effort to listen to God, we are being trained to make that special effort with our friends. Sometimes they don't always want to open up, but if we love God first and we are patient with Him in waiting to hear His voice, then we are already primed to be patient in waiting for our friends to be willing to open up.
Loving God teaches us to be better friends because we can learn the value of silence from Him. Sometimes at the end of a bad day, all I want to do is curl up in those giant loving arms of His and just sit, just rest in His presence, knowing that He is there for me. The same is true with our friends - how often do we simply want to be with them, without needing to talk? I think this is true in a special way in romantic relationships, perhaps especially for girls. We just want to be held, we want to feel secure. By being friends with God, we are comforted in His arms so that we can, in turn, comfort our friends in the same way.
So often writing these blogs I feel as those I'm saying the same thing over and over again: its all about God. There are so many things in this world that confuse or confound me, but when I stop and pray about them, when I take time to reflect on whatever is bothering me I always seem to find that the answer is in God. The answers I seek, the peace I long for, the comfort I desire is always found in God.
But there is more. The answers, the peace, the comfort is found in God, but it is only found by going ever-deeper into the heart of God. The more I feel myself lost at sea, the more I hunger for God. St. Thomas Aquinas talked about his theory of "exitus-reditus" quite often, as does Pope Benedict XVI. This theory says that everything is from God and everything is returning to God. The more I draw on the love of God, the more I am moved to share His love with His children. The more I share His love, the more I realize how much I need and how dependent upon His love I am. When we love God first, we can't help but share that love. And in sharing that love, we are drawn back into His heart. Its a beautiful cycle, but it can only begin by loving God first.
Monday, June 6, 2011
reality ≠ Love.
Perhaps I should clarify that title...love can exist in reality, not so much in or on reality TV. Lately, I've been watching the Bachelorette for who knows what reasons, but its interesting and it easy to get lost in day dreams of having 25 men vying for my affections. But as fun as it can be to get lost in the day dreams, there are a number of reasons that shows like this (and for that fact, many dating scenes that exist today) don't work.
1. Trust
Situations like the Bachelor, the Bachelorette and other dating scenes automatically have trust issues associated with them. How is your heart supposed to trust? Take the guys on the Bachelorette right now - how can they trust that Ashley is being truly genuine with them? I don't know about those guys, but I'd always be wondering if she was telling me something specific to me or something she was saying to every other guy competing for her affections.
Furthermore, these guys are COMPETING for...her love? If you've watched at all so far, you know there is one guy who is competing for the sake of competing - how is she supposed to trust that these guys are being genuine instead of competing for their 15 minutes of fame?
2. Your heart is divided
Ashley has 25 guys vying for her attention and chances are she feels some kind of connection with more than one of them. Her heart is divided and therefore can't focus on or nurture a deep and lasting relationship with one of them. Her heart is being taught to be divided, that its okay to have feelings for these different guys all at once. When you teach your heart, for any amount of time, that its okay to have strong feelings for more than one guy, how do you expect to be content with one guy?
3. Craving constant attention
This point is similar to the last one, Ashley has all of these men vying, competing for her attention. They pull out guitars, they wear masks, they dance her around a room, they bring her a special bottle of wine, they all do something to get her attention, and she loves it! What girl (or for that matter, what human) doesn't want that kind of attention? However, it becomes normal for her (or any other person in a similar dating situation in which you meet a lot of people at once) to get a lot of attention from a lot of different guys. Just the amount of attention she receives becomes something she starts to expect. When she narrows her pool down to one guy, what happens when he isn't always focused completely on her? What happens when they return to their everyday lives and she is still craving that attention? She's quite likely to seek (and probably find) it somewhere else.
I'm not saying that people don't or can't find love and happiness in this way, but it is quite unlikely. So what can we learn from these countless failed TV romances?
1. Trust is key. If you can't trust your significant other or you find they are constantly talking to other girls in the same way they talk to you, its probably not a relationship you want to pursue any further. All good relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust and communication and if you don't have that foundation, then work on building it or move on.
2. Don't let your heart be divided. Love God first. If you (being a male or a female) are divided in your heart about love, if your significant other (or potential significant other) doesn't push you closer to God, its probably not a relationship you want to pursue any further. God wants your heart for Himself, He is a jealous God, just check out the first commandment - He doesn't want you to love any other gods (read: boyfriend, girlfriend, cute guy down the block, etc.) before you love Him. A true partner will, by their actions and their words, love you enough so that you can love God more. To love is to will the GOOD of another, to push them towards God, not away from Him, and certainly not divide someone's heart between God and your relationship.
3. Seek attention from God. He loves you. He wants to shower you with His love, He stands at the door and knocks (Revelation 3:20). His love, His attention is the attention our hearts seek, in fact, its the only attention that will truly satisfy us. St. Augustine said, "You have made us for Yourself, oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee." When we continually seek the attention of the opposite sex perhaps we need to take a step back and realize who our true hunger is for: God. No man or woman should ever give us the attention we are supposed to seek from God.
May we find our hearts at home in the loving hands from the God who loves us and desires to be in an ever-closer relationship with Him, AMEN.
1. Trust
Situations like the Bachelor, the Bachelorette and other dating scenes automatically have trust issues associated with them. How is your heart supposed to trust? Take the guys on the Bachelorette right now - how can they trust that Ashley is being truly genuine with them? I don't know about those guys, but I'd always be wondering if she was telling me something specific to me or something she was saying to every other guy competing for her affections.
Furthermore, these guys are COMPETING for...her love? If you've watched at all so far, you know there is one guy who is competing for the sake of competing - how is she supposed to trust that these guys are being genuine instead of competing for their 15 minutes of fame?
2. Your heart is divided
Ashley has 25 guys vying for her attention and chances are she feels some kind of connection with more than one of them. Her heart is divided and therefore can't focus on or nurture a deep and lasting relationship with one of them. Her heart is being taught to be divided, that its okay to have feelings for these different guys all at once. When you teach your heart, for any amount of time, that its okay to have strong feelings for more than one guy, how do you expect to be content with one guy?
3. Craving constant attention
This point is similar to the last one, Ashley has all of these men vying, competing for her attention. They pull out guitars, they wear masks, they dance her around a room, they bring her a special bottle of wine, they all do something to get her attention, and she loves it! What girl (or for that matter, what human) doesn't want that kind of attention? However, it becomes normal for her (or any other person in a similar dating situation in which you meet a lot of people at once) to get a lot of attention from a lot of different guys. Just the amount of attention she receives becomes something she starts to expect. When she narrows her pool down to one guy, what happens when he isn't always focused completely on her? What happens when they return to their everyday lives and she is still craving that attention? She's quite likely to seek (and probably find) it somewhere else.
I'm not saying that people don't or can't find love and happiness in this way, but it is quite unlikely. So what can we learn from these countless failed TV romances?
1. Trust is key. If you can't trust your significant other or you find they are constantly talking to other girls in the same way they talk to you, its probably not a relationship you want to pursue any further. All good relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust and communication and if you don't have that foundation, then work on building it or move on.
2. Don't let your heart be divided. Love God first. If you (being a male or a female) are divided in your heart about love, if your significant other (or potential significant other) doesn't push you closer to God, its probably not a relationship you want to pursue any further. God wants your heart for Himself, He is a jealous God, just check out the first commandment - He doesn't want you to love any other gods (read: boyfriend, girlfriend, cute guy down the block, etc.) before you love Him. A true partner will, by their actions and their words, love you enough so that you can love God more. To love is to will the GOOD of another, to push them towards God, not away from Him, and certainly not divide someone's heart between God and your relationship.
3. Seek attention from God. He loves you. He wants to shower you with His love, He stands at the door and knocks (Revelation 3:20). His love, His attention is the attention our hearts seek, in fact, its the only attention that will truly satisfy us. St. Augustine said, "You have made us for Yourself, oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee." When we continually seek the attention of the opposite sex perhaps we need to take a step back and realize who our true hunger is for: God. No man or woman should ever give us the attention we are supposed to seek from God.
May we find our hearts at home in the loving hands from the God who loves us and desires to be in an ever-closer relationship with Him, AMEN.
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