Tuesday, April 26, 2011

love is not an Investment

I've been slowly chewing on this notion for a few days now, so forgive me if my thoughts are still a bit jumbled!

So often lately I catch myself doing things for people in my life and then wondering why they aren't repaying me, why they aren't kind to me in return, why they don't even respond at all to the love I'm trying to show them.

Perhaps its because I'm not really showing them love at all.

I'm showing them some kindness in hopes of receiving something in return, as if my kindness is an investment.  I'm showing them a selfish side of me, I'm showing them my fallen nature - who would want to respond to that?  Then, it hit me.  Love is not an investment.  That's just being selfish or lazy or weak, its not love.  We may call it love, but we are lying to ourselves and to those we are seeking to love.  We respond with love when we are first loved, when we are filled with love.

When I took a class on St. Paul and his letters in college my professor told us that when Paul was converted on the road to Damascus he discovered that every answer resides in Jesus.  Paul didn't know what all the questions were going to be, but he knew all of the answers are in Jesus.  How true!  Jesus never loved as an investment, He loved and continues to love because love is good.  Love is beautiful.  Love is Truth.  "Love and truth cannot be separated" - Pope Benedict XVI (though I'm fairly sure someone said that before him, I just can't remember who!)   Jesus loves because He is love.  True love, then, is never an investment on which we should expect a return.  Hope for it, sure, hope to be loved and respected in return, yes, hope!  God loves not expecting a return, rather He waits patiently like a lover, hoping that we will love Him and turn to Him.

I don't want to beat the dead horse, so I'll simply leave off with a few closing thoughts.  True love never seeks a return, never expects or demands a return.  Love is not an investment, it is only ever a gift, one that must be freely given or else it is not really love.  "Love...does not seek its own interests" (1 Corinthians 13:5).  St. Paul goes on to say that love, "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Cor. 13:7)  Love bears and endures times when we feel disrespected, hurt or even rejected by others when we offer them the love we have received.

Truly, we are called to offer the very love we receive from the Lord.  We aren't called to change that love, to offer it conditionally, we are called to offer it in the same manner and form in which we receive it - unconditionally wrapped in mercy from God and drenched in the blood of Jesus.  Too graphic?  I think not.  Love.  In the Gospel according to John we hear Jesus telling us, "I give you a new commandment: love one another.  As I have loved you, so you also should love one another" (John 13:34).  As I have loved you - not in some other way, not kind of sort of like I have loved you, but as I have loved you.

Let us love, not as an investment, but because we are loved and because the Lord stands and the door and waits to fill your heart with His infinite love.  Let us love.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

betraying Jesus

Yesterday I heard an interesting reflection on the coming days (the three Holy Days, also referred to as the Triduum).  Both Peter and Judas betray Jesus.  Peter betrays Jesus by denying that he ever knew Jesus, Peter betrays Jesus three times.  Judas betrays Jesus by accepting 30 pieces of silver for turning over Jesus so that the chief priests could be done with Jesus once and for all.

The name of Judas is mentioned 22 times in the Gospels, the only disciple to mentioned more often is Peter.  There is certainly a significance to this - they both betray Jesus, the One they had been following for at least a year (scholars disagree on exactly how long Jesus' public ministry was, somewhere between one year and three years).

The most interesting part of all of this comes not in that Peter and Judas betray Jesus but what they do after they deny Jesus.  Peter clings to hope, he repents of his sin.  Judas is overcome with despair.  Matthew's Gospel account says that Judas "deeply regretted what he had done."  Judas returns the money to the chief priests and the elders, who could basically care less about Judas' guilt and regret.  Again, his betrayal is thrown in his face.  Judas does not return to Jesus, does not seek forgiveness from the one he betrayed.  Judas, defeated, goes off and hangs himself.

Both Peter and Judas surrender - one to hope, the other to despair.  Look at the results that come out of those options.  Peter, repentant and hopeful, goes on to be the first Pope of the Church and brings the Gospel message to hundreds if not thousands and the hope that fills him drives his ministry.  He has been forgiven and renewed in hope and takes that message and that hope to the world, bringing Christ's love to countless people.  Judas surrenders to despair and takes his own life, the end.  There is no more life, no good news to be spread and the name of Judas is forever to be known as one of betrayal.  We don't think of Peter as a betrayer because of all that he did and accomplished after his betrayal, we think of Judas as the black sheep of the apostles, the one that screwed up, he is forever marked.

What can we take away from this as we enter into the Triduum?  A lot, but two things stick out to me the most.
1) Seek forgiveness from those you have wronged.  Peter sought forgiveness from Jesus and renewed his commitment to spreading the Gospel message.  Judas sought forgiveness from the chief priests and the elders who wanted nothing to do with him.  Judas couldn't get forgiveness from them, it was not theirs to give, it was only Jesus' to give.
2) Cling to hope.  Peter heard the cock crow and remembered what Jesus had said to him at the Last Supper and he was defeated because he knew he had turned away from the Truth.  Peter turns back, Peter clings to hope and by the loving grace of God, he is forgiven and goes on to minister and preach the Good News to many.

Who are you in the story of the Passion - are you Judas or are you Peter?  We all betray Jesus at one point or another, often we do it many times a day.  When you betray Him, who will you be: Peter or Judas?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

something about Surrender

Ah, the sweetness of Holy Week.  People may think I am nuts (and God knows I am!), but I really love Holy Week, I love how somber it is, how reflective people get as we approach the death of Jesus.

The closer we get to Good Friday (three days away already?!) the more I realize and remember the beauty of surrender.  In so many ways, surrender is the culmination of my lenten experience this year.  I went in to the TEC retreat a few weeks ago seeking answers to many questions and in my mind they are pretty big questions.  And do you know what I got?  Peace.  No answers, no small whispers from the Lord in the wind, not even so much as a tiny nudge.  However, it is that peace that has moved me to surrender anything that threatens that peace.

This is the part where I struggle to explain my thoughts without going into all the hairy details of my life.  Its been a really beautiful few weeks - anything that threatens or challenges the peace that He wants me to have is gone, either He removes it from me (which can be far more painful than simple words can convey) or my desire for it vanishes because my desire for Him, my desire for His peace is so much greater.

Sometimes I think following after Jesus is like running at a door and hoping that it isn't locked, but most of the time it is locked.  You run at again and again hoping for different results until you just don't care anymore and when you give up caring you run and find that it has opened.  When we stop trying so hard and let God work truly amazing things happen.  We surrender and He gives us more than we could have ever imagined.

Don't misunderstand me, this isn't some instantaneous thing and it can't be done with half of your heart.  It takes your whole heart, you have to continually run at that door and lay everything down at His feet.  It sounds so easy and I even feel a bit preachy saying it, but it takes your whole heart - He'll take half of your heart, oh yes, but He wants the whole thing.  Remember that first commandment?  "I, the LORD, am your God...you shall have no other gods besides me" (Exodus 20:2-3).  He waits patiently, calling us to give our whole hearts to Him.  


Do you know what happens when a person gives their whole heart to the Lord?  When they hold nothing back from Him?  When they follow Him where ever He may lead?  Miracles.  Water is turned into wine.  People are cancer free.  The host literally bleeds on the altar.  Poisoned wine breaks the chalice, saving its victim from death.  Jesus dies.  Oh wait, you think that last one isn't miraculous?  It took nothing short of Jesus laying His whole heart in the palm of His Father's hands before He could suffer for us.  He surrendered in the Garden of Gethsemane and yes, suffering came, pain, humiliation and shame came, but then eternal life followed.


There truly is something about surrender and its so opposite of what the world teaches us.  Surrendering is for weak people, weenies, cry babies, whiners and complainers.  Surrendering is for quitters and no one wants to be a quitter.  I contend that Jesus came to flip this whole notion upside down and we still aren't getting it - surrender takes strength.  It takes courage to give up, to admit that I don't have what it takes.  It takes bravery to let someone else come in and help you carry the cross because you are falling under the weight of it.  Surrender brings beauty and new life, a chance to go it not alone, but to go this road with God.  Jesus modeled this in His walk to Calvary - He accepted help from Simon the Cyrene because the cross was too much for Him.  He looked at His mother and He knew the Truth when He said, "Behold, I make all things new" (Rev. 21:5).  Jesus had the strength to surrender and we can only begin to see the glorious effect that His surrender has had on the world.  So my question to you is this:


Are you strong enough to surrender?


Follow Him to Calvary, feel His wounds, breath in His agony...beauty awaits.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

a love like the King's...part 2

I couldn't really help myself, I just had to pick on a couple more George Strait songs (that and I'll be on vacation and probably won't blog while I'm gone...).  Make sure you read part 1 before reading this!

"It Just Comes Natural"
This is an awesome song to cha cha to and listening to it just makes me want to dance.  But aside from the desire to dance, this song is awesome in the way that God's love can be seen it is.  Sure, I want a love that just comes natural and easy from whoever I am supposed to end up with, but I already have that love from God!  His love is natural, His love is life-giving, His love is as simple a thing as there ever was or ever will be.  "And I love you, it just comes natural.  Its what I was born to do, don't have to think it through, baby its so easy loving you, it just comes natural."  However, let me start this by saying that God was NOT born!  He was not created, because that would mean that someone or something would have created Him.  God simply exists, always has and always will.  Nonetheless, the essence of that phrase matches the love of God.  When we say that we were "born to do" something, we mean that it is in our blood, something that we simply cannot deny - same goes for God, He, being the source of good, Truth, and love, cannot deny loving us, His creation.  He doesn't have to think through loving us, it is easy loving us.  Even the "baby" makes sense because God is passionately in love with us.  Though, perhaps it is easier for women to think of God and/or Jesus as lover...but that's just me.  NEXT!

"As Far As It Goes"
This song has a special place in my heart and it probably always will.  Beyond that special meaning and those fond memories, I've heard the whispers of God in it.  "I'm only gonna give you everything, take it a mile beyond the end of the road.  I'm gonna love you one day past forever, but that's as far as it goes."  That's how I feel so often with God.  I feel like He's only giving me a little, like somehow He is holding out on me.  But I only feel that way because I'm not really listening to ALL of what God is trying to tell me.  "I'm only gonna give you...EVERYTHING."  The Lord goes above and beyond, He doesn't stop walking with us when the road ends, He walks with us when there is no road in sight.  Though it may seem as though He's saying "that's as far as it goes", if we stop and listen to what He tells us we may realize that He truly loves us and gives us everything, there is no limit to His love and how much of it He pours out on us.  
"I'm gonna make all your dreams come true, but after that, baby, I'm through...".  Again, listen!  God is not saying He is through!  He places our dreams on our hearts and one of our deepest desires (believe it or not) is for God, we long for Him.  So if our dream is for Him and He makes all of our dreams come true, then He is NEVER through because our dream is to be with Him for eternity!  
Like I said, there is a meaning behind this song that just makes me smile and reminisce and get all nostalgic, but this song also reminds me that while I may think that God is somehow holding out on me, He isn't - there is no limit to His love!


Today and everyday, may you find and see God in the unexpected places!

Monday, April 4, 2011

a love like the King's

For weeks, perhaps even months on end now, I've been obsessed with country music, and George Strait in particular.  You see, unlike a lot of girls, I don't think my ideas of loved were biased by princess movies growing up (though they certainly had an effect on me).  Rather, I was influenced by country songs - tales of falling in love under the stars, love that would last forever, the things a guy would do just to see me smile, the list goes on.

Recently I've been struck the love George Strait sings about.  Granted, its not in all of his songs but the few that I've been playing on repeat are the kind of love my heart is seeking.  So instead of an epic detail about the love George Strait sings about (he's only had like a bazillion songs that he's recorded...), I'll pick on just a few that show quite well the love that my heart is after.

"The Man in Love With You"
"I may not even be the dream you wanted to come true, but I'll always be the man in love with you."  Seriously?!  I want a man who will sing to me that he will ALWAYS be in love with me, even if he isn't the dream I want to come true - a man so devoted to and in love with me that even though he knows his love isn't "the key that will open every door" he will still be in love with me.  And yet at the same time George sings, "but no one else could be as good as me at loving you."  He knows his love won't open every door but he has the confidence that no one else could love me as well as he can.  "Remember that there's someone there whose heart is always true, someone there to help you make it through, I'll always be the man in love with you."  I want a man whose heart is always true, someone who will be there to help me make it through whatever life's challenges throw at me.  I want a man who will always be in love with me.

"I Cross My Heart"
"Our love is unconditional" - Who wouldn't want a love that is unconditional?  A love that is not based on what the other person gets in return, but a love for love's sake, a love that is pure and true.  There's not a person I know that doesn't want a love like that.  "I cross my heart and promise to give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true."  A promise, a real promise (which sounds so much more genuine when put with George Strait's voice and an awesome musical background) to give, to serve me that my dreams would come true.  A man who is willing to give in such a way that he wants my dreams to come true no matter what it takes, that's a love that I want to find!  "And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm, you've got the promise of my love to keep you warm."  A love that is unconditional, a love that doesn't walk away when the storms come blowing in, but rather promises to love me even more, how could a girl not want a love like that?

"My Infinite Love"
"Forever by your side...it'll be me and my infinite love for you."  This song (in case you've never heard it) is just a slow, calming kind of song.  Its the kind of song that you can slow dance to and you just sway with who ever you are dancing with and you don't really care about the steps you should be taking, you sway and you get lost in their arms.  You get lost, not only in their arms, but in the words of the song, a love that is forever by your side, not in front of you, not overpowering you, not behind you making you take the lead, but by your side forever, and by your side with an infinite love no less.  How amazing is that?

Who wouldn't want a love like the love George sings about?  He is, after all, the King of Country, he knows what he's singing about.  The more I thought about this kind of love, the more I realized that I already have it and I have it from the King.  No, I'm not having an affair with George Strait!  I have this love from the King of Kings, Jesus Himself.  Jesus, like George sings about, is the Man that is always in love with me.  He reminds me that "there's someone there whose heart is always true, someone there to help you make it through" - He is there.

Jesus' love is unconditional.  He crosses (CROSSES) His heart and promises to give all (because He already has and continues to) that He has to give to make all my dreams come true.  Then George sings "in all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine" - that's Jesus speaking to my heart.  In all the world, try as I may (and I have tried!) I will never find a love as true as His.

Jesus' love is infinite.  The chorus of that song is so perfectly Jesus speaking to each one of us: "It'll be me and my infinite love for you, its just like I promised you, under heaven above.  It will live on long after we've kissed goodbye, forever by your side, my infinite love."  Its just like He promises us over and over again in Scripture and in prayer - His love will (and does) live on long after He ascended, He is FOREVER by our sides with His infinite love.  We are His infinite love.

I love George Strait and I want a love like the king of country sings about...and I have that love from the King Himself.  Truly, "in all the world, you'll never find a love as true as Mine" - Jesus.