"Do you know why I met your ['feeling'] with such disgust? Because you are stronger than that, so much stronger. You have a strong, fierce heart and I don't know why you don't let it shine in our relationship. You are a strong woman and I wish you saw yourself that way, because I really don't think you see yourself as strong."God's words, Mr. Irish's mouth. Welcome to "ah ha" moment number two.
Oh, fierce. I had almost nearly forgotten about you. You are the word I keep coming back to in this quest to find my own heart again. You are the word that keeps popping up in my meditations, in my readings and in my heart. You are the word that just won't leave me alone. I've wanted to blog about being a fierce woman ever since I started this new series, but I wasn't ever sure what to write. Until now.
Fierce. Pride and Prejudice (the new version, not the BBC one) is my favorite movie. Ever. I've watched it so many times the DVD skips. Do you know what word I think of when I watch Elizabeth? Fierce. She overhears Mr. Darcy say that she is "barely tolerable" and throws it in his face mere minutes later. She takes crap from no one. She forms her opinions and holds to them (however wrong they may end up being). The scene in the rain (if you haven't watched the movie I won't ruin it for you) is my favorite scene. I have it memorized. She doesn't let Mr. Darcy up for anything. She calls him out on his crap, on his false beliefs and his hurtful words. She won't allow herself to be unhappy or to be made to feel small or unworthy. She is fierce.
The Nativity Story is another great example of what it means to be a fierce woman. Mary, humble though she may be, doesn't let the world get to her. Yes, she is pregnant before she is married (she was only betrothed to Joseph at the time), and such a fact is a huge sin and brings great shame upon her and her family. She doesn't give in. She trusts in the Lord's plan unfailingly. She is fierce.
In the way of a blog on being fierce those two movies were all I had. Until now. I didn't blog about them because they just didn't seem to be enough. So you have these two great characters who embody what it means to be fierce. So what? They aren't enough. They are great examples but they don't get at what it means to be fierce. They get at what you do to be fierce - which is exactly what I've been railing against for weeks now. How does a woman be fierce?
The moment Mr. Irish said that I have a fierce heart I started to cry. I want to believe I do, but I've lost it (yet another reason I wasn't ready to write this blog yet). So I took my questions to God in prayer.
What does it mean to be fierce?
What does it mean to be fierce as a woman?
Lord, show me that I am strong. Show me that I am fierce. Help me to see myself as You see me, as Mr. Irish sees me. He (and I assume You as well) sees something in me that I all too often fail to see, and fail to live out. (Isn't that the truth with so many of Your daughters? And of your sons? I find it ironic how I've dated guys before and saw something in them that they refused to see in themselves. Oh, how God turns the tables on my heart.) I am challenged, then, in these times to walk by faith. I must walk by the faith that You and Mr. Irish see something in me that I fail to see. If it were a light at the end of a dark tunnel I fear I would fail to see it even then. But it must be more than something You see. As it stands now it is practically 10,000 leagues under the sea. This ship was made to float, to sail, to conquer the storms of the oceans, to traverse the mighty seas. This ship was made for glory.
What does it mean to be fierce?
What does it mean to be a fierce woman?
Remember how I said that even when I want to challenge Mr. Irish I end up throw proverbial cotton balls at him? I must stop being a chicken. There was a moment of grace when Mr. Irish actually opened up his mouth and let the Lord speak those words that started this blog to me. Those words broke me down like an egg in a tornado - I didn't stand a chance. But broken eggs make great scrambled eggs. The phoenix rises, beauty comes out of the ashes, the snow melts and the flowers bloom. All is not yet lost.
That moment of grace, painful though it may have been, couldn't have happened if Mr. Irish hadn't been open to You. He knew the words needed to come out and as soon as they left his mouth we both knew they were Your words. And yet, had fear crippled him, those words may never have left his mouth and I may never have had this revelation. So, to think, all those times I've had those thoughts about saying something to him, challenging him and I've bitten my tongue, I have been keeping, even stopping potential moments of grace, of growth, of revelation from happening for him? Ouch.
So then being fierce, being fierce as a woman must be more than a lack of chicken-ness. Fierce. Fear. They sound so similar and yet are so far apart. To be a fierce woman one must not only not be overcome by fear (a.k.a don't throw cotton balls), but she must also open her heart (and when appropriate, her mouth) to Your heart. She must let God's fierce, loving ways flow through her and allow them to flow through everything she does until she decreases so much that only Your fierce heart remains in her.
Moments of grace, growth, hope, love, healing, peace, and revelation are on the line. Our hearts and souls are on the line. My ticket and your ticket into Heaven are on the line. This is no time for playing games. The world needs our fierce womanly, feminine hearts. The world needs the fierce love of God to be spoken through hearts full, not of fear, but of fierce love (which may look like tough love at times, but they aren't always the same). He is fierce, mighty, majestic to behold, may our hearts be fierce, mighty, majestic and even inspiring to behold - may He speak through our hearts to heal and restore others to Truth.
[side note - the titles of the blog this week add up to this: Become. Truly. Fierce. When I wrote Monday's blog I wasn't intending this...God, I have no doubt, did. Become truly fierce.]
No comments:
Post a Comment