the urge for a Husband

I originally wrote this...well, originally as a journal entry, then as a note on facebook, and now its on here :)

This note is probably not what you are thinking, based on the title...but read on :)

I very rarely share my journal entries, they are my pryaers, my thoughts, my musings with God.  However, last night, the night before Valentine's day (or Single's Awareness Day as some call it), I journaled the following and can't help but share.  And, in light of the day and the events of the day, it just seems fitting to end it with this.  May the Lord speak through me to your hearts; happy Valentine's day.

"Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master" - Genesis 3:16

That was the reading Saturday at Mass, when I was at the Cathedral in Rapid City.  It's been stuck in my head and filling my prayers since then.  How totally true it is.  You want to hurt a woman?  Take s shot at her relationships, especially her love life.  It's a knife straight to the heart.  Its fitting that such a phrase would come after the Fall, after so many relationships had been broken, injured, and torn apart at the seems.  The man blames his wife, the woman blames the snake, and all of them are in a broken relationship with the God who created them.  Got tells Eve that her urge, and really the urge of all women, will be for their husband, and yet, he shall be her master.  This relationship, the desire for intimacy (and I'm not even really talking about sex here) will be the thing that drives who she is and what she is about.  This relationship will be her master. 

We, as women, long for our husbands, whoever and where ever they are.  Maybe it sounds helpless or hopeless, and for some women it can be just that.  But we long for them, we dream about them, we imagine future conversations with them, we ponder how they will propose, we envision a wedding, a family, a whole life with them.  We pray for them, even from a young age, we pray for their hearts, for their purity, for the love that they have for us, we pray for who they are and who they will someday become.  We have no idea yet (more than likely) who they are, but we pray for them.  We have such a deep urge, as Genesis says, for our husbands.  Its not just a girl thing, a childhood fantasy of the fairytale wedding and the world's most adorable kids living in a house with a white picket fence.  Its so much more than the "things", its the relationships that they represent.  It comes from our mother, from our God, from the Trinity, from our very creation - we have an urge for our husbands and it keeps us searching. 

So, once we become aware of this deep urge, once we acknolwedge it and own it, we have to ask ourselves (at least, women do...I can't speak for guys here): is this a relationship where I want this person to be my master?  Are they loving?  Do they respect me?  Is my urge properly ordered?  That is, do I want this relationship because I want a relationship, or do I have an urge for this relationship because I want this man as my master?  Does he make me a better person?  Does he draw me closer to God, push me towards holiness?  Because if it is true love, rooted in and flowing from the love of God himself, then the idea of such a master is no longer suppressing, oppressive or scary, but rather it is inspiring, freeing and joyful.

So to my lady friends - urge.  That deep urge is there for a reason.  Let Jesus be your valentine, today and everday.  He is the first, last and truest husband of your heart.

To my guy friends - I pray that some lovely lady is out there praying for you and that someday you make her your bride.  Seek the heart of Mary that you might know her love of God and her desire for relationship with Him, with Joseph, and with her Son.

Lord, let my relationship be one of joy and love, peace and honesty.  Let me know Your love, let me see Your face, let me feel the warmth of Your embrace through my husband, who ever and where ever he may be.

AMEN.