Dignity.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs at the days to come" - Proverbs 31:25

In case you haven't figured it out yet, this new Wednesday series (which I have yet to name...) builds on itself week after week.  Make sure to read precious Little and Strength before proceeding!

I've been lost, and it is only in recent weeks that I am, well really, that God is finding me.  The lost get found, they get found by love and by grace.  It is a beautiful journey, though I know it is far from over, especially as I continue to meditate on this verse.  An Ideal Wife, a woman worthy of praise is clothed, she is strong and she has dignity, she is dignified.  If you are like me you might hear the word dignity and think you know what it means, but actually trying to define it is a much more difficult concept.  So, in my usual fashion, I turned to my ever-trusty online dictionary.  Here's what I found (and oh how my heart sang upon reading this!):

1. Bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness.
3. Elevated rank.

The first one sounds a bit wordy to me but I latch on to "self-respect".  It goes with everything else I've been talking about in this series, a woman who respects herself will be clothed, a woman who is clothed will have more self-confidence (though not always instantaneously) and therefore be a stronger woman.  A woman who respects herself will have an appreciation for each situation that life puts her in, and because of her modesty and strength, she will know how to act accordingly.  Okay, that's nice, a good woman knows how to behave.  If only dignity ended there...but it doesn't.  And thank goodness for that.

The second definition is where it is all at!  Nobility.  What woman doesn't want to be noble?  Aren't we all princesses at heart?  We may not all want the fame (and the paperwork) that goes with being a princess, but the honor and the glory due to such a woman - that is something we all long for.  What we fail to realize, however, is that by the merits of grace, we are already princesses.  We are daughters of the King of Kings, and the daughter of a king is what?  A princess.  So what is a daughter of the King of Kings?  A Princess of Princesses.  The cream of the crop.  If the King of Kings is the King to end all kings, the greater ruler of all creation, doesn't it follow that we, as His daughters, are called to the best of the best, the greatest princesses, the ones with the most elevated character?  I should think so.

Where does this elevated character (a.k.a. dignity) come from?  As I said in the beginning, it all builds on each other.  God lays the foundation in our hearts and by turning our hearts to Him, we build on it together.  We build self-respect, we build modesty, strength, hope, faith, love - those all go into the foundation and make it stronger as we add in friends, family, relationships, etc.  Our elevated character comes from not only the knowledge but also the belief (and I'm talking about actually, truly believing this truth in the depths of your soul) that we are daughters of God.  That knowledge, that belief, elevates our rank, not in an arrogant way, but in a way that is both humbling and uplifting.  It gives us a grace, a peace about us that flows from within - it makes our souls shine and our faces light up.  We seem to walk on the clouds.  We have dignity because we are forgiven.  Rather than being constantly weighed down by our sins, we seek the loving forgiveness of the Father and are restored to communion with Him and so we have the ability to stand stall, to walk with dignity because we are filled with Love.

Worthiness!  My God, You wash me in Your love.  I read that in the definition of dignity and had to keep from jumping for joy!  This word could be a myriad of things...it could be a sign for another seed that has recently been planted and watered in my heart (more on that some other time), it could be a gift to some reader out there and/or it could (and is) a gift to my heart.  It all comes back to being worthy.  The world tells us we are not worthy, that there is no way we could be worthy, but the Scriptures, the Saints, Tradition, the Sacraments, the Church, Jesus Himself tells us over and over again that we are.  We need to hear it, we keep coming back to it because we don't get it yet.  We let the world take over and we forget that we are worthy.  Sure, my own name means worthy of love but I've long since believed that name is so much more than just a name - it is a truth I've struggled with much of my life and it is a truth that I have found that countless women and girls (and boys and men for that matter) struggle with.  It is a truth that has been forgotten, one that needs to be shouted from the rooftops.  The Ideal Wife, the woman worthy of praise is herself clothed in worthiness.  She doesn't just know that she is worthy in her soul, she is clothed in it.  She wraps herself in her worthiness, she covers herself with it, her worthiness keeps her warm.  Her worthiness is all about her, all around her - it never leaves her.  It is in her soul and on her body constantly.

Lord, may the worthiness You shower upon me be so - may I know it and believe it in my heart and soul and may it keep me warm, may it keep me covered, may it be all around me, may it drive me to pursue You more deeply, You who are the source of my worthiness.  AMEN.

the human Trifecta.

No, I'm talking about the Trinity (magnificent and mysterious as they are, they aren't all fully human anyway).  When I was in high school one of my good friends told me about a youth group session they had at her non-denominational Christian church about Saint Paul.  What she told me years ago has stuck with me - nuggets of wisdom that we learn from Saint Paul even today.

At nearly every moment in your life there is a Saint Paul, a Barnabas and a Timothy.  I don't mean that you should always have a friend named Paul, Timothy and Barnabas (I have the first two but I can't say that I've ever met anyone named Barnabas).  We need each of these "people" in our lives for a reason, they may change over the course of time, but we need each of them nonetheless.

Saint Paul

Saint Paul is the person who teaches us, we learn from him/her and they are the person that helps inspire and deepen our faith.  Often times this person can (and perhaps should) be your spiritual director.  Sometimes it is a parent, sometimes it is a boss or a mentor, but no matter who it is, we need someone in our lives who acts as our "Saint Paul".  Our faith should never reach a plateau and stay there because then it becomes all too easy to slide back down the mountain instead of ascending it, constantly striving towards Heaven.  Our "Saint Paul" challenges us and pushes us to a deeper, more profound relationship with the creator of the universe.

Barnabas

Barnbas is the person who is on par with us, this is the person in whom we confide, who knows our secrets, and the person whose advice we seek on a regular basis.  This person, more or less, is our equal.  One might say this is your best friend, but your "Barnabas" should go deeper than that.  Your "Barnabas" should be someone who shares the Faith, who journeys with you, someone who encourages you and you encourage them.  This relationship is one that is mutually beneficial, one in which you both learn from each other.  This person goes beyond the simple "this is what I did with my day..." topics, but really gets at the heart of you.  Sure, you can have conversations about events and surface-level things, but your "Barnabas" can, and often does, get to the core of who you are, what makes you tick, etc.  There is a big difference between an acquaintance or a friend and a "Barnabas", a big difference between a friend of convenience and true brotherhood, or in my case, sisterhood [more on that next week!].

Timothy

Timothy is the person you minister to.  Remember that St. Paul wrote letters to Timothy to encourage him in his ministries and his missions.  The need for a Timothy flows out of the natural progression of our faith - as we grow we share, our cup overflows and the love that God pours out on us is shared with His other children.  Just like we shouldn't let our faith reach a plateau, so too we shouldn't let our faith be merely an individual faith, it must be lived out in a community, shared with others.  Not to mention that we often learn from our "Timothys".  When I taught Confirmation classes I used to say that those teens kept me sharp, they were constantly questioning things about the Faith and about life and it kept me on my toes!  The same can be said about "Timothy" - they challenge us by their questions and push us to keep the faith so that we can continue to minister to them.

We need each of these roles in our lives.  If you find yourself lacking one or another, or are unsure as to who fulfills these roles in your life, pray that God would give you the eyes to see who they are.  Ask Him to send you a person to fill that gap in your life for each of these roles works together: Paul challengs us so that we can challenge Timothy while Barnabas keeps us strong and lets us know that we are not alone.  In some ways it is like the relationship between the Trinity (haha look I tied it all together!) on a human level, it is a community, a communion we are invited to live in.  Often times over the course of our lives these roles change, the person who was my St. Paul yesterday may not be my St. Paul today.  Sometimes your Timothy becomes your Barnabas, sometimes your St. Paul becomes your Timothy.  Sometimes you will have more Timothys than you do St. Pauls (this tends to be my case simply by the merit of being a youth minister).  Just because things and roles change doesn't mean we don't need at least one of each of them for they all call us, in their own way, to pursue holiness.

we all have our Soapboxes...

...and this issue is mine.  Most of the time when this particular issue comes up I want to walk away and never talk about it again, but that is only because it was the topic of my thesis when I earned my Bachelor's degree in Theology/Pastoral Ministry.  I could write a book on this topic (though I won't), and my thesis ended up being a whopping 56 pages (it was supposed to be 30-40).  The issue or topic I'm referring to the growing separation of "spirituality" and "religion" - as if the two are opposed to each other.

A good friend of mine recently had a status on facebook, "religion is for people scared to go to hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there."  Not the way I'd separate the two.  In fact, I spent a few pages in my thesis separating the two, it is an incredibly difficult notion to define the two as separate entities.  Why is it so difficult?  Because they can't, nor should they be separated.  There's a video on YouTube that I have a feeling is about to go viral and I can't keep biting my tongue on the issue.  This guy's first video was actually brilliant...this one practically gets my blood boiling.

Let's begin with a brilliant article written by a fellow Catholic blogger called, "Why I Love Jesus AND Religion." 

Now, why can't we separate religion and spirituality?  Because we need both to be whole, to be happy.  The easiest way I came up with in my thesis to define each one is as follows: religion is the man-made (keep in mind here that Jesus was also fully HUMAN and a MAN) contructs which people follow and ascribe to in their daily lives; religion is practiced communally.  Spirituality on the other hand is the individual, personal relationships we have with whatever higher power we believe in.  When it comes down to it you simply can't have one without the other.  Your individual, personal relationship with your higher power (in my case, the God of the Old and New Testaments) should move you to live out that faith.  Faith lived in a closet isn't really faith at all.  In other words, as the age old saying goes, faith without works is dead.  How do we work out our faith?  In community.  We practice religion in community, just as Jesus Himself did with the apostles (it also includes working with the poor AND building churches).  If we only practice an individual belief in a God or god, what defines our beliefs?  Who or what sets the boundaries?  Our conscience?  Perhaps...but our conscience must be well-formed, and what better way to form it than in community, with other like minded believers?  Such an individualized belief system can far too easily devolve into moral relativism, yet another soapbox of mine...but that's for another time. 

There are so many items he touches on in this video that I want to correct, so I'll keep it to just a few:

"Tell single moms God doesn't love them if they've ever had a divorce"

God NEVER stops loving His children, no matter what they do.  If you've ever read any of my blogs I pray that you know this to be true.  No matter what you do or what you've done, God never stops loving you.  The Church never says that, ever.  Is divorce a sin?  Yes.  Can it be forgiven?  Of course.  Jesus came to call the sinners, He rejoices over the Prodigal Son, the lost sheep, He rejoices and loves each and every one of us, regardless of (and often in spite of) our sins.

"Religion is just behavior modification, like a long list of chores."

If you choose to see religion in a purely legalistic, follow-these-rules-without-asking-why kind of a way, then I'd agree with this statement.  If you see religion as a loving Father guiding His children on a path to peace, happiness and eternal life then seeing religion as "behavior modification" is laughable.

"[Religion] isn't a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken."

I couldn't agree more.  My favorite way of describing it goes like this, the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  We are imperfect people, made of clay as Scripture often says.  The Church, or any religion for that matter, is not perfect on earth, but that doesn't keep us from trying, from building each other, and the Kingdom up.  We need grace (and we practice it, contrary to what he says in the video) and we need each other as support on this journey.  Alone we perish, but, "where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20).  So here's my question to this guy, if religion is full of broken people like you and I, why are you against your fellow brothers and sisters banding together and striving for perfection?  You can try it alone if you want, without the help of religion, of the Sacraments and the Saints, but I'll stick to my churches and my community, thank you very much.

"If Jesus came to your church, would they actually let Him in?"

Actually, He resides in my Church...it's called a tabernacle.  His presence, His Body and Blood are there every single day of the year.  What's even more amazing is that He humbles Himself and allows me to be a living tabernacle for Him when I receive Him in the Eucharist.

"Now back to the topic, one thing I think is vital to mention,
How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrums,
One is the work of God one is a man made invention,
One is the cure and one is the infection"

Jesus and religion are not on opposite spectrums, we need both.  Everything is a God-made invention - who do you think inspires poets to write, artists to paint and musicians to compose?  We are made in the image and likeness of God, all the good that we do in this life is but a reflection of His goodness.  Jesus AND religion are the work of God.  Jesus is the cure, religion is not the infection, it is the doctor, it is the hospital, it is the place where we find the cure.  We need religion and spirituality, they work together like tires on a car, if one goes flat it's not wise to keep going.  Fill up your tires, there's a long road ahead of us.

Strength.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs at the days to come." - Proverbs 31:25

Before I even begin I highly suggest you read last week's blog, precious Little, if you haven't already.  This week (and the next couple of weeks) will build on that blog.  That being said...

I'm convinced that there is a reason (many, in fact) that I don't write a blog before the day it comes out.  The ideas are constantly floating around in my head (I have a list of topics on reserve in the event that writers block ever strikes), though I never write any part of a blog beforehand.  After countless experiences like ones that I'll get to in a minute, I'm convinced that God writes these blogs up until the time I sit down and start cranking it out in this little box.  He is the Author, I am but the scribe (and a happy one at that).

For a number of weeks now this little verse has been one that I meditate on, day in and day out.  Last week I blogged about how women are to be clothed (which doesn't really fit with the picture below, but I'll get to that).  The next word that strikes my heart is that women have strength.  Women are strong.  I'm not talking about women being unnaturally ripped.  Women like the one below will probably always creep me out.  It just looks...wrong somehow.

Nonetheless, women are strong.  We have a resolve, a strength that comes from within.  We aren't weak.  Well, that's not necessarily true.  We can be incredibly weak, and when we are we do ourselves (and the God who created us) a disservice.  I know I can give shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette a lot of crap, but there is a lot to be gleaned from shows like this.  Take the following clip for example, the "Diaries of the Departed" from the two girls that weren't given roses on this week's episode.  Keep in mind that these girls have known Ben, this season's bachelor, for two weeks.

There is a HUGE difference between these two girls.  One finds strength within herself to accept what happened at the rose ceremony; she is thankful and able to move on.  She knows who she is and she has the confidence and strength not to change her core for a man, or so that everyone will like her.  The other is not.  The other lacks that inner strength and breaks down crying over a guy she has known for two weeks.  Actually, she spent most of her time on the show crying.  What is the result?  I want to laugh at her.  I can't take her seriously.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: we were created in the image and likeness of God.  We, as women, as children of God, are called to reflect His awesome, endless strength.  When we fail to do that, we fail to point others to Him, and perhaps more important, we fail to connect our own hearts to God.

So what does this strength look like?  It manifests itself in different ways, and often it is easier to identify what it is not.  It is not a closed off, cold attitude towards the world.  Like Aristotle describes in Nicomachean Ethics the truth of this virtue lies in the middle of weakness and "macho".  Strength is something that must come from within - it comes first from allowing the Lord to dwell in our hearts.  His strength is perfect, it is that glorious middle ground between two extremes.  Strength is the ability to stand up for your standards, to not let the world get you down.  It is the ability to fight for what you believe in, to go for the goal, to fight the tide. 

Last night I had a conversation with a good friend about how the world can get us down.  Sometimes you just get that feeling of dread or of depression and you aren't sure where it is coming from or how to get rid of it.  All too often, we just give in to that feeling of sadness and despair.  It takes strength to fight that feeling, to pursue happiness and joy when the black clouds of life loom over our heads.  What we often misunderstand is that these feelings don't just happen.  More often than not they are the result of a nasty little jerk called Satan.  [I'm forever in the debt of John Eldredge and the book Waking the Dead for opening my eyes to ideas such as these.]  Satan has a number of powerful weapons that he uses against us.  The two most powerful weapons in his arsenal are the following thoughts or beliefs:

1. Satan doesn't have the power to attack me.

2. Who am I that Satan would come after me?  I am not pretty enough or powerful enough or holy enough that he should bother attacking me.

If you believe either one of those things then you have probably already given Satan a power over you that you never knew you gave him.  He's a master trickster.  Who are you that Satan would come after you?  You are a child of God, he needs no more motivation than that.  If you are a child of God and you know and believe that you are a child of God then has has all the more reason to come after you.  John Eldredge says in the aforementioned book that,

"to live in ignorance of spiritual warfare is the most naive and dangerous thing a person can do.  It's like skipping through the worst part of town, late at night, waving your wallet above your head.  It's like walking into an al-Qaida training camping, wearing an "I love the United States" T-shirt.  It's like swimming with great white sharks, dressed as a wounded sea lion and smeared with blood.  And let me tell you something: you don't escape spiritual warfare simply because you choose not to believe it exists or because you refuse to fight it.  The bottom line is, you are going to have to fight for your heart."

It takes strength to fight.  Remember, as Dostoevsky said, "God and the devil are fighting...and the battlefield is the heart of man."  It takes strength to even admit there is a battle underway.  It takes even more strength to fight that battle.  It perhaps takes even more strength to admit and accept that women have a role in that battle.  Satan comes after our hearts too, after our insecurities.  That is why Proverbs says that the "Ideal Wife" is clothed in strength, she has a role in this battle too.  If we lay down, if we refuse to fight, if we continue to lower our standards, if we silence the desires of our hearts, if we allow ourselves to become doormats for the world then we may as well raise our white flag in surrender to Satan.  Haven't we had enough of being dragged down yet?  It's time to make it right.  We need to draw the line, we need to stand and fight because our lives are worth saving.  (Thanks to Mr. Irish for those last few words of wisdom.)  We need to draw on the strength of God, not only as women, but as children of God.

Tell Satan where to go.  [Back to hell.]  If you find yourselves overwhelmed I invite you to try one (or both) of the following prayers from the Saints; draw on their strength and send Satan packing.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection from the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, oh Prince of the Heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into Hell Satan, and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.  AMEN.  (I often yell this one out loud, emphasizing different words each time...I may look crazy but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.)

"Shudder, tremble, be afraid, depart, be utterly destroyed, be banished! You who fell from heaven and together with the all evil spirits: every evil spirit of lust, the spirit of evil...an imaginative spirit, an encountering spirit...or one altering the mind of man. Depart swiftly from this creature of the Creator Christ our God! And be gone from the servant/handmaid of God (insert name here), from his/her mind, from his/her soul, from his/her heart, from his/her reins, from his/her senses, from all his/her members, that he/she might become whole and sound and free, knowing God." - St. John Chrysostom
The above prayer is a shortened form of a prayer often used in exorcisms (sounds like strength to me!), the full text of the prayer can be found here.

Be strong children of God, the mighty God of the Universe seeks to dwell in your hearts.

wintery Metaphors.

This morning I got out to my car to head to morning Mass and found that my windshield had ice all over it.  And I was already running five minutes late.  Admittedly that isn't that late for some folks, but for me it is extremely late.  I knew the defrost wouldn't warm up in time, so even though I didn't have my gloves, I sucked it up and scraped the ice off.  But I did a crappy job - there were still huge chunks of windshield that I couldn't really see out of.  Sure, I could have done a better job and been even later, or I could have just let the defroster finish up the job (which I did).  I promptly got in my car, blasted the defrost and away I went.

As I drove and waited for the car and the defroster to warm up, I struggled to focus.  [I'm a good driver, I promise, and no one was injured on my trek to Mass this morning.  There is a point to this blog that, at this point, only seems to be about my laziness and crappy driving habits...I promise there is a point.]  My focus constantly flashed back and forth between the icy parts of my windshield and the road that lay before me.  The longer it took the ice at the top of my windshield to melt, the more obsessed I became with the ice.  I'd flick the wipers on to no avail.  I'd kick the defrost up a notch...to no avail.  I just wanted that darn ice gone from my view!  Eventually, the ice cleared and I could see and I made my way to Mass safe and sound.

Isn't that how our life is?  We wake up (literally or metaphorically) and find that we are late, we've missed something crucial, we missed out and we are running to catch up - and looking to cut corners so we can feel caught up in some sense.  So, we choose not to fully clean our windsheilds, we hope someone or something will come along and do the work for us.  We choose to not take the best care of our hearts in the hopes that somewhere along the way they will be taken care of.  We get out on the road of life, however, and we are unfocused.  We can't drive to the best of our ability because our windshields, our hearts aren't clear.  We become focused more on what is in front of us (the ice) instead of the bigger picture (the road).  We go back and forth between focusing on our hearts and the lives we are called to lead, and in turn we aren't giving our all to either cause.  We try to kick the defrost on high, we turn our wipers on to no avail and find we are still distracted.

Wake up.  Wake up early.  (Chances are, even if you wake up early you will still feel like you are late...wake up early anyway.)  If I had woken up early this morning, even by only five minutes, and actually done a good job scraping my windshield, I probably would have been a less distracted driver this morning (though perhaps I would have missed this insight all together.  Don't skip things in hopes of finding insights - I'm not advocating that!).  If we would wake up and take even five extra minutes a day to focus our hearts through prayer on God then we'd probably get through the day a whole heck of a lot less distracted.  Instead of constantly focusing on the here and now we'd be able to see, in some small way, as God sees - the bigger picture.  There is a time to focus on the here and now, but that doesn't mean that we should always forsake the wonder of the forest for the tree right in front of us.  If we awake and center ourselves in God I would be willing to bet that we would find it infinitely easier to focus more on the road and less on the icy windshield; more on the the bigger picture, the life God calls us to and less on our, often selfish needs of the moment.  Instead of going back and forth between focusing on your heart and the tasks of your day, take an extra few minutes to truly focus on your heart and placing it in God's hands and the tasks of the day become easier, purposeful even.  Don't depend on someone to come kick your metaphorical defrost on high because short of Jesus (who waits for YOU), that person may never come.  Tomorrow, and every day after, let's get up a few minutes early (or go to bed a few minutes later) and really clear off our windshields so that as we drive through life we may focus more on the road in front of us and follow it as it leads us to the heart of Jesus.  AMEN.

precious Little.

Chances are that if you are a woman you've probably, at one point or another, heard about the "Proverbs 31" woman.  If you haven't, read it here before you read on (specifically verses 10-31).  In some translations of the Bible this passage is referred to as "Poem on the Woman of Worth" and in others it is simply referred to as "The Ideal Wife".  Shouldn't all women be reading such a passage?  Don't we long to know what Scripture tells us about what it means to be a woman?  Surely the answer is yes, and yet I read this passage and I almost want to throw my Bible at the wall.

The Proverbs 31 woman is, to borrow the idea from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, tired.  She does so many things: she brings her husband profits, she seeks out wool and flax, she weaves with skillful hands, she secures her provisions from afar, she rises in the middle of the night and distritbutes food to her household, she picks out a field and buys it and from her earnings she plants a vineyard.  I'm only a few verses in and I'm already tired and this chapter goes on and on about what the "Ideal Wife" or the "Woman or Worth" does.  Yes, she does all of these things, but who is she?  What about her character?  What about her heart?  Of these, Proverbs 31 mentions precious little - its focus is far more on what she does rather than who she is.

I wouldn't dare to say that Scripture screwed up or has it wrong, but there is still something lacking in this passage.  I want more about what a woman should be, not so much about the epic list of things she should do.  Then comes verse 25, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs at the days to come."  Finally, something about her character, her heart, who she is as a woman.  Though there may be precious little in this chapter about the heart of a woman, this verse speaks volumes - and it is this verse I'll be focusing on for a while.  So this week, let's tackle the first important characteristic of this "Ideal Wife" that Scripture describes: she is clothed.

Why stop there?  Clothed with what?  Good things, but that will come later.  She is clothed.  I've said it before but it bears repeating: she is clothed.  There's something about a woman when she is covered up.  I'm not saying you need to dump your whole wardrobe and by a habit and only wear that but women need to be clothed, to be covered up.  We as women, single or not, have power over men by the way we dress.  Put on a tiny skirt, even if you are in a relationship, and go out in public and you are tempting other men to see you as a thing rather than a person.  Pretty women inspire men (actual pretty women, not so much the movie, classic as it may be).  I recently read an article called "The Death of Pretty" and it sums up this whole notion quite well,

"That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.  Young women today do not seem to aspire to pretty, they prefer to be regarded as hot. Hotness is something altogether different.  When women want to be hot instead of pretty, they must view themselves in a certain way and consequently men view them differently as well.  As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend.  Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity.  Its value is temporary and must be used."

Would you rather be a commodity or cherished?  Would you rather be cared for tenderly or used?  Isn't that somewhat like asking, "would you rather live in a palace and feast or live in a box in the streets and starve?"  Isn't the answer obvious?  There really is something about being pretty versus being hot.  Heat is fleating, it can turn cold over time, beauty is eternal.  I was talking with one of my female friends about this idea and we both said that we can remember a time in our lives where we wanted to be hot, because after all "hot" was ironically the "cool" thing to be.  However, we were both thankful that such a time has passed - we aspire to be beautiful now.  So what makes a girl hot?

Apparently, low-cut dresses that allow "the girls" room to breathe.  And be seen.  By everyone.

Also, a silly laugh at all of his lame jokes makes you "hot" too.

Or, perhaps, just a short dress to show off those legs of yours.

So here's my advice: if you want to be a real woman, a godly woman, clothe yourself.  If you want to attract a guy (or perhaps more accurately a boy), then by all means, dress "hot" or even "hott".  But I can almost guarantee you that in his eyes, your hotness will fade and he'll quickly move on to some other "hot" thing (thing, not person).  Chances are that if he sees your beauty, a beauty that comes from the self-confidence that allows you to say (more with your choice of clothes than your mouth), "there is a beauty that comes from within me, there is something mysterious and intriguing about me and I don't need to lower my standards by showing you all of my skin just to attract your superficial and fleeting attention" then he'll stick around, his attraction to you will be deeper than your looks.  Clothing yourself, covering yourself up doesn't say "I'm ugly" or "I don't think I'm hot" it says, "I'm something worth fighting for - I'm a rarity in the world today and I actually value myself as a person, not just a thing to be used and thrown away."  Think of what is rare in the world, rare and precious: diamonds, gold, silver, rubies, sapphires - beautiful things.  Think of what is commonplace in the world: plastic, paper, yarn, string.  The rare things, the precious things hold the world together - they are sought after and adored.  The commonplace things are fleeting and are thrown away with yesterday's news.  Which would you rather be?  Ask yourself honestly, would you rather a guy call you hot or beautiful?  I'd rather be deemed as "full of beauty" and I pray you do too.

the Poison.

"Pride is the poison in every other virtue" - G.K. Chesterton

You would think by now I would have learned.  The last few times I've asked Mr. Irish what I should blog about he usually responds that he doesn't know.  Last night he told me to blog about tomatoes.  However, within an hour or two of asking him some conversation comes up, some issue surfaces, some nerve gets hit, some insecurity revealed and suddenly we both know what it is I have to blog about.  Perhaps I should just stop asking him...or perhaps I should be more grateful that God continues to heal my heart (painful though it may be at times).  But, no matter.  Last night, and today, and perhaps every day, the issue is pride.

I first heard that quote of Chesterton's at Theology on Tap last year when this guy did an hour long impersonation of Chesterton.  It is a brilliant, and true quote.  You could even take out the last half of it and it would still have oodles of wisdom in it, yes, oodles.  Pride is the poison.  Pride is THE poison.  Pride is the reason for the Fall.  Its the reason for sin.  Father Chris Kirchgessner (one of my favorite monks in college) once said that all sin is idolatry.  What exactly is idolatry?  Excessive or blind adoration.  Worship of anything but the one true God.  And what do we as humans love and worship more than God?  Ourselves. 

We weren't created this way, you must understand.  We were created in glory.  We were made to live in Eden, to be with God all the time.  Then pride enters the story and everything gets ridiculously screwed up.  Have you read any of the Old Testament?  It is FULL of tales of excessive pride.  Eve eats the apple, so does Adam.  Bye-bye Garden of Eden.  Jonah doesn't want to go to Ninevah.  Hello whale, why are you eating me?  King David has an affair and tries to cover his tracks by putting his best soldier at the front lines to be killed.  Hello Psalm 51.  It isn't even confined to the Old Testament - Peter denies Jesus, and just as Jesus said, the cock crows.  Pride is the nasty vice that rears its head in countless different ways, the tale is as old as time.

Pride all too often brings its friends along to play, and pride is only friends with other vices.  How do I know this?  Allow me to tell you a bit of my tale.  [Rather ironically this tale is not at all something I'm proud of.  Often times blogging, though I love it, is a bit like going to confession for the whole world to hear.]  I like attention.  Well, that's mostly true, but that's not really all of it.  I like attention when I'm in a relationship, and not just a little attention but a LOT of attention.  I want to gobble up all of his attention (whoever he may be because this isn't something that's only happened with Mr. Irish), all of his free time and all of his affection.  Now, to most people that sounds like selfishness, and to a degree most people would be right.  But the real issue is pride.  I think that I deserve his time, his attention and his affection.  Now, I realize that this may sound a little odd considering how I tend to go on about being worthy of love - and we are, but we are not.  We are only worthy of love, worthy of agape by grace.  By my own merits I don't deserve anything, not to be loved by God and certainly not to steal all of Mr. Irish's time and attention.  Pride, in this case, uses selfishness as a mask to cover up its true identity.  Pride is like...many episodes of House.  Often times the doctors can treat the symptoms (in this case, selfishness) but struggle to uncover the cause (in this case, pride) of all the symptoms.  Those symptoms increase and worsen, but once the true cause is discovered all can be healed.  "Pride is the poison in every other vice."

But it doesn't just end there.  Last night, in a moment that I can only credit to the Holy Spirit, I asked Mr. Irish to go to the chapel.  The Eucharistic Adoration chapel, mind you.  So we go, we pray, all is well, and we sit next to each other.  Then Mr. Irish begins to look at me with this look that I will never be able to describe, where we simply gaze into each other's eyes.  It is a look I love but last night, in the chapel it felt...wrong.  I love gazing into his eyes, and I love when he gazes into mine but last night it just hit me that I don't need to be focused on Mr. Irish, I need to be focused on God.  We were in the Eucharistic adoration chapel after all.  Pride has led me to seek the wrong man's attention; my hunger, my desire for attention has locked its eyes on the wrong target as its primary source of fulfillment.  I've been clingy and needy with Mr. Irish because I'm actually hungering for God.  I want God's attention, I want God to revel in me, to dote on me.  But how could and why would the God of the Universe revel in me, dote on me, a human, a mere reflection of greatness on my best day, and a sinner on my worst?  Satan has used pride to lead me to doubt my own worth.  Again.  Oh, the irony.  At this moment, pride comes crashing down for pride can't co-exist with God.  Pride says that everyone should fall at my feet, bow down and worship me.  God says that we are to fall at His feet, bow down and worship Him.  I'm left with a choice: my pride or God's love.

As I reflected on this whole issue even more last night I came to realize that pride not only harms the one it infects, it harms others.  Think back to being in the chapel.  I wanted to continue gazing in Mr. Irish's eyes, I love the attention, remember?  But if we are gazing into each other's eyes, where are we NOT looking?  At the Eucharist.  Through my prideful and selfish desire to take all of his free time and attention and affection, I'm simultaneously leading him away from Christ.  Epic fail hardly begins to describe the gravity of this situation.  Now, I'm not so powerful as to totally lead him away from Christ, he is free to do as he wishes, but I'm certainly not helping the situation any.  Again, I'm left with a choice: Mr. Irish's attention on me or on God.

When I reflect on all this the choice becomes clear, though not easy.  Pride, to borrow yet another one of Fr. Chris' sayings, needs to take a long walk on a short pier.  Pride is all too easily wounded and incredibly slow to forget.  Pride is the stone tied to our ankles, dragging us to the ocean floor, while we believe we are still on dry land.  Pride and the life spent seeking the heart of Jesus don't co-exist.  Ever. 

Lord, rid me of my pride.  Rid me of that voice that says I deserve so-and-so's attention, time and affection.  Rid me of that voice that says You don't love me.  Yours is the affection for which my heart and soul long - shower me in Your love.  AMEN.